The post that is so long overdue, coming clean with my addiction

Now that I have your attention!  But I truly do have an addiction and just saying it today is therapeutic.  Many of you don't know me, have never seen me in person.  Others have and a few have known me for quite some time.  I have no idea what those folks would tell you if asked to describe me but I'm guessing one word that comes to mind would be big.  Yes indeed, I am a big boy.

I wasn't always a big fella but the reality is over the years I have packed on the pounds.  Looking back, you never know why or even how this all started.  I know when I moved to Abita Springs in January 1996, I weighed 240.  For a guy that stands 5'11" that is big, but manageable.  My thoughts were I've just bought this place with 10 acres so this should be the ideal place to lose some weight.  Slowly but surely, over these past 19 years, I've done nothing but gain weight.

I'm ok confessing the truth because I feel like I need to.  Maybe I'm looking for some tangible accountability.  As the weight continued to pile on, I reached an all time high of 338 lbs. and a 54 inch waist.  Yes, over time, I developed high blood pressure, type-2 diabetes, sleep apnea, rheumatoid arthritis, damaged knees and an occasional flare up of irregular heart rhythm.  Medications are wonderful but in reality, they just help you live with the diseases not cure the diseases..

Something called a hernia and subsequent surgery helped me drop down to a slightly more comfortable 320.  I had hoped that this would be a catalyst to some weight loss.  It was not.  I gained back some weight and settled in around 328.  More than once, I had to admit that I was addicted to bad food choices and that was just who I am and what I do.  What?  Yep, that's how I felt.

A couple of months ago while visiting my family in North Carolina my son took me aside and gave me the talk.  He told me that despite what anyone else says or does, I had to take control of my life and lose some weight.  It was heartfelt and true, and it impressed me yet still I found myself driving to Bud's Broiler and craving a #4 with hickory sauce and fries lathered with cheese and same hickory sauce.  If we bought doughnuts for the office, some how, some way, I had two or three.  My favorite thing to drink was diet soda, at least it said diet, right.  Guess what, I easily consumed 150-200 ounces of that stuff every day.  I maybe drank 1 bottle of water in the same day; maybe.

A couple of weeks ago I saw a post on Facebook from a Deacon friend who had lost 38 pounds and was off more than half his meds; many the same that I am now forced to take.  I commented on his post and to my surprise I was contacted directly by his "health coach".  We had a great talk and just last week, I began a journey to better health and am following a eating plan that makes sense.  Now I've said this before, I'm starting a diet!  This is really a life choice and a choice to live.  You see I must be able to say out loud and admit to others that if I do nothing, I will die a relatively young man.

The week before I started the "plan" I made some simple decisions.  I eliminated sodas and other stuff and went on an 80 ounces of water plan, eliminated all fast food, started eating healthier protein.  Then last week I began the "plan" which for now means 5 meal replacements a day and one healthy meal of protein and green vegetables.  In these past two weeks, starting out at 318.5 I now weigh 305.  First let me share with you that being almost 340 could not have been more miserable.  Miserable!  Physically, mentally, being huge is not fun.  It's really like the old tears of a clown thing.  Yet I had to admit that this is all on me.  All me!

305 is a lot better than almost 340 but it is not healthy and it still feels bad.  305 is not going to fix my medical problems but it does give me hope.  Let me be real, being fat impacts every aspect of your life because it's just darn unhealthy.  Losing this recent weight though has given me not only hope but a determination that I have not felt, interiorly in like forever.

Some of my short term goals are to lose 75 pounds by my daughters wedding in April, drop some important inches off my waist, get healthy.  Long-term, whatever that may be, is to one day get below 200 lbs.; something that I have not seen since the early eighties.  But it's one pound, one inch at a time.  I think I will see below 300 within a week and a half.  That will be a big day.  I first remember toping the 300 pound mark about 13 years ago.  I want to get below this mark and stay there forever.

The eating "plan" is fairly easy and manageable.  I won't lie to you, I still want a Bud's Broiler, or pizza or doughnut.  Most of what I eat now is tasty, some not so much.  But I'm trying to change my dynamic from living to eat to eating to live.

I'm a busy man, between work, home life, and my ministry as a Permanent Deacon I've allowed myself to eat on the run, in my car, pulling in and out of places like McDonalds, Sonic, Burger King.  Those days need to be over and hopefully they are. 

So why am I telling YOU all of this.  Because for me, I must!  I have to admit, I am addicted to bad eating, I am way to fat, unhealthy and I need to live!  Not only do I want to grow old but I want to really live while living.  This is kind of my story and my opportunity to be held accountable.  And it's my opportunity to ask you to pray for me as this journey will be hard, indeed it will! 

Now don't look for boring daily updates here but from time to time allow me to let you know my ups and downs, well, hopefully my downs when it comes to weight and inches.

And realize that everyone has some struggle.  Heavy people are struggling, even when you come across those of us who are always appearing happy and extrovert.  It's still a struggle.  Thanks for your listening "ear" and let's see what God has in store for me!