Young permanent deacons see unique opportunities, challenges
“You get to bring this perspective of a married person who also has the joy and struggles of raising a family.”
Deacon Byron Newton and his family after Mass. Courtesy photo.Some 50 young children ran wildly around the yard of the Newton family home in Little Rock, Arkansas, as families mingled and chatted during an annual Pentecost party.
Kalisa Newton wandered over to her husband Byron.
“Honey, what if you gave everybody a blessing?” she asked.
Byron, a 39-year-old permanent deacon in the Diocese of Little Rock, thought it was a great idea. He asked for his book of blessings and then called everybody .
The yard fellover silent as the kids and adults bowed their heads for the blessing.
Then, after a brief moment of prayerful quiet, the chaos returned.
“Being a young deacon in the trenches of family life allows you to provide an example, and proof that family life and serving the Church and serving the community do not have to be mutually exclusive,” Deacon Newton told The Pillar.
“In fact, I would argue that family life is more fulfilling when it is lived out in the context of the community and serving others.”
Newton is a rare phenomenon in the Church in the U.S. — he is one of the relatively few permanent deacons under the age of 40.
There are two kinds of deacons in the Catholic Church. Both assist priests in carrying out duties related to liturgy, sacraments, formation, and works of charity. Transitional deacons are men in the process of preparing for priesthood - usually in their final year of formation before their priestly ordination. Permanent deacons, in contrast, are ordained deacons for life. They can marry, have families, and work in other jobs in addition to their ministry as deacons.
A recent report published by the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate found that of the estimated 13,864 permanent deacons in active ministry in the United States, fewer than 4% are under the age of 49, and fewer than 1% - or 138 deacons - are in their 30s.
But some of those young deacons told The Pillar they believe their youth offers a unique asset to their parish community, and they hope more younger men will answer this call.
Each man’s call to the permanent diaconate is unique. As a kid raised in a nominally Catholic household that scarcely practiced the faith, a call to serve as a member of the clergy was completely foreign to Newton.
“I never really discerned or felt a call to the priesthood,” Newton said. “My family growing up was Catholic in name only, and I did not think the priesthood was a legitimate career or life choice.”
But when he got married 16 years ago, his wife Kalisa, a director of evangelization for the parish, began encouraging her husband to learn more about the faith.
Eventually, the pair decided to pursue a bachelors degree in theology at St. Gregory in Oklahoma together and became more involved in their parish. Soon, people began encouraging Newton to consider the permanent diaconate.
“I just had a lot of encouragement, a lot of validation from people around me,” Newton said. “Obviously it took a lot of prayer and discernment, and that passion for service translated into something more. God's definitely put it on my heart that since I would be younger relative to other deacons that I could be an example and minister to young families.”
Deacon Dan Miller, a 39-year-old permanent deacon in the Archdiocese of Baltimore, had a very different experience.
After spending much of his teenage years discerning a call to the priesthood, Miller entered college seminary after high school to further discern whether he was called to serve as a priest.
“I felt called to serve,” Miller told The Pillar. “It was literally an overwhelming sense that I needed to help people. And having a background in the Church and feeling so close and comfortable to God, I felt the best way that I could do that was through the priesthood.”
Three years later, after many conversations with a spiritual director and a lot of prayer, he left seminary, feeling called to serve the Church in another capacity.
He became a youth minister. In that role, he met his wife Maggie. The two have been married for 14 years with three children: a 13-year-old daughter and two nine-year-old twin daughters.
But Miller felt called to serve the Church in another way as well.
“I felt drawn to the grace of the sacraments. I wanted to be an instrument of that grace, and I wanted to offer people this encounter with God through the sacraments and through preaching and ministry to the poor and ministry of catechesis,” Miller said. “Well, I realized that is what a deacon does, and I feel called to serve in that capacity.”
He began formation at age 30 and was ordained at 35, the youngest age at which a man can become a married deacon.
Miller says he has loved the diaconate from the start.
“Being a part of the lives of those that I serve and the ups and downs is so amazing,” Miller said. “I have become, in a way, almost a chaplain to certain families because I am the one who baptized their granddaughter, I am the one who may have celebrated the funeral for their grandparents.”
“It is such a humbling experience to be with a family during these milestones of their life, for the sad ones and the joyous ones.”
At the time they are ordained, young deacons are often at the beginning of their professional careers.
Their jobs may be secular or religious.
Deacon Aaron Smith, 46, is a police officer in a command position. Since he was ordained a deacon 10 years ago, he has been surprised by the number of opportunities he has had to minister to his colleagues.
“Many people have told me ‘Oh, it must be tough trying to bring your faith into work life.’ I look at it this way: It's actually expected,” Smith said. “People at work know me as the deacon and people of all faiths at work come to me for confidential talks. I have been asked to baptize children, witness marriages for people. I work with funerals for people that aren't Catholic.”
“It is actually very easy for deacons to bring up their faith at work, I think it is a challenge for a lay Catholic who can just sit quietly to the side.”
Newton, who manages HVAC and commercial refrigeration for Walmart in the heart of the Bible Belt, has been surprised at the ways he has been able to evangelize within his secular company through his diaconate.
“I do not hide the fact that I am a deacon from my team, everyone knows it and the overwhelming majority think it is cool,” Newton said. “Obviously, working for a corporation like Walmart, you have to always be very discerning about what you say. But when I am given the opportunity to open up, the fact that I am a deacon has generally added an air of curiosity and presented an opportunity for ministry as well.”
Other deacons, such as Miller, work in an explicitly Catholic job. A high school theology teacher, Miller frequently taps into his diaconal experience while teaching.
“Being able to teach about the sacraments that you administer is so fruitful because the students have so many practical questions and are hungry to learn more. To be able to answer questions like ‘how do you make holy water?’ and ‘how many people have you married?’ can be so rewarding,” Miller said.
“I have dedicated my life, not only as a teacher but as a father, as a husband and as a deacon to learning more about God and being able to share that same energy in the classroom has been awesome.”
With a normal day job in addition to their diaconal ministry, permanent deacons must work to find a balance between the various roles that demand their time and energy.
When a deacon has a young family as well, this balance becomes even more complicated - and critical.
Deacon Steven Callen, 43, was ordained five years ago in St. Louis, Missouri. As a project manager at Monsanto-Bayer’s crop production line and father of two sons, ages six and eight, he has had to learn how to strike this balance.
“I have to make sure consciously that I am putting my family first above everything else, because all that stuff does take up your time,” Callen said.
“It is a fear of mine I am spending too much time either being a deacon or working or something, and that is taking me away from my family and from my sons and from my wife and to their detriment as we progress on and get older.”
Callen has found that help from his wife has been crucial in determining how to juggle different roles and duties.
“Balance has been super important, and it is still a walk that we are trying to navigate,” Callen’s wife Liz told The Pillar.
“I am somebody that has always struggled with balancing and asking for help. Early on, I wanted him to do all the things, and I was kind of scared to tell him no because he was helping the Church.”
But she eventually learned that saying “no” is an important part of the job.
Deacon Newton’s wife, Kalisa, agreed.
“While he was in formation, I was told that my role is to say ‘no,’ because it's very easy for deacons to say, ‘Oh yeah, I can totally do it, I can fill in.’ It can become too much because they are saying ‘yes, yes, yes, yes’ to the Church all the time,” she told The Pillar.
“Finding a balance is so important for both the husband and the wife, and I have had to learn to not be afraid to tell him, ‘Hey, we need to talk. It's time to say no’.”
“Your job as the wife is to help them find balance.”
She added that while the balance of family and diaconal ministry can be challenging, it is also rewarding. Her kids love having a deacon for a dad, she said.
“He will go into the school that two of our children go to and will do an epiphany blessing, or for the first day of school, or to bless the students, and the kids are so proud because they say, ‘That is my dad!’” Kalisa said. “Our oldest also is an altar server and so it's really neat to see the two of them up there together.”
One of Kalisa’s favorite memories of her husband's ministry was the day that he baptized the couple’s youngest son, Luke.
“It was beautiful to see him act as both a father and as a deacon, it was so special,” Kalisa said.
“It is a very neat and unexpected blessing to have a deacon in our home and in our community. It has become second nature for Deacon Byron to just jump in and provide a blessing for whatever occasion we may be celebrating. Or if we're, you know, blessing our food, he will throw in a blessing of the people there.”
Miller said his three daughters - who call him “Deacon Dad” - are proud to share their father with the Church.
“They love Deacon Dad. Even going to sort of secular events, they love sharing, ‘My dad's a deacon.’ They love being a part of the different events that I do in ministry, like the pet blessings, the baptisms. They love seeing me on the altar,” Miller said. “My nine-year-olds have not made their First Communion, so they love coming up to me in the communion line and getting blessings.”
“They think that they are the queens of the Church because Dad is giving them a blessing and he is the deacon.”
Their experiences of family life can make young permanent deacons well-poised for ministry.
Miller said that one perk of having a young family as a deacon is the plethora of relatable homily material.
“You get to bring this perspective of a married person who also has the joy and struggles of raising a family,” he said. “I frequently share stories of my daughters or moments between my wife and I, and our own conversations and our own struggles, and people will tell me how they relate to that so much.”
Newton said the relatability of family life has helped him minister to people as well.
“One of the awesome things about being a deacon is I can plan and do a holy hour, with the small group I lead or I can lead family adoration, which is awesome.”
Married deacons are often tasked with parish marriage ministry and marriage prep, which several of the men described as a highlight of their diaconal ministry.
“One of the greatest joys in my ministry has been walking with couples and then witnessing their marriages,” Smith said. “Then, two years later, I'm doing the baptisms for their children. It is amazing being able to participate in the sacramental life and being out in the community to share my own experience and help others.”
Marriage prep also provides the opportunity for deacons to invite their wives to participate in their ministry.
Smith’s wife Theresa has been teaching marriage prep classes with her husband for years. These quarterly classes have become one of the couple's favorite activities to do together.
“I think having a younger couple and the fact that he is a deacon is helpful because it makes him look more human and relatable,” Theresa said.
Several of the permanent deacons who spoke with The Pillar said they hope more young men will consider pursuing the ministry.
“I think the Church is still figuring the permanent diaconate out. The restored permanent diaconate has only been around since the Second Vatican Council,” Newton said. “I think it's a shame that only 1% of deacons are under the age of 40, and we need to encourage more younger guys to enter that.”
Kalisa said that she is grateful for her husband’s ministry, and she has seen many graces come from it.
“We both just kind of feel this need, this calling to serve the families around us, and we are not sure where that's going to go, but it's just that feeling that the Lord's kind of pulling us in that direction.”
“There have been a lot of sacrifices and there have been a lot of difficulties but all have happened in a beautiful way.”
