Friday, February 12, 2010

Meet the cast for the new M*A*S*H

Enjoy Saints fans; this is priceless:
Originally Published: February 9, 2010

Super Bowl XLIV meets "M*A*S*H"Comment Email Print Share By Shane Igo

While some people were surprised by the two-touchdown Saints victory over the Colts on Sunday, many were just as astonished at the game's television rating -- topping the 1983 finale of "M*A*S*H" to become the most-watched program in U.S. television history.

Page 2 believes there is more to this than meets the eye. Upon closer examination of Sunday's theatrics, we think the characters and storylines of Super Bowl XLIV nearly mirror those involved in "M*A*S*H." Thus, Page 2 presents the following "M*A*S*H"-up consisting of Super Bowl XLIV figures cast as iconic "M*A*S*H" characters.



Garrett Hartley as "Radar" O'Reilly
Like O'Reilly, the place-kicker for the Saints seems to have an extra sense about him. Hartley called his dad at 2:15 a.m. the morning before the NFC Championship Game reporting he had a vision of himself kicking the game-winning field goal. Well, we all know how that prediction turned out -- in fact, it was just as good as all three 40-plus-yard field goals Hartley nailed during the Super Bowl.

Father R. Tony Ricard (Saints chaplain)/Father Peter Gallagher (Colts chaplain) as Father Mulcahy
It appears that the man upstairs was partial to Father Ricard and the Saints, but check out this interesting piece on both team chaplains.

Peyton Manning as Frank Burns
Before heading to the battlefield, Burns apparently had a long apprenticeship under his father -- sound familiar? And guess where Burns honed his craft? In Indiana. Like Burns, Manning is a stickler for preparation and protocol, as evidenced by his no-nonsense Super Bowl week routine.

Kim Kardashian as "Hot Lips" Houlihan
Hot Lips' affections were just as hotly contested on "M*A*S*H" as the battle over the 38th Parallel. Kardashian's popularity nearly parallels Houlihan's. And, Kardashian's most notable attribute lies just beyond the "38" mark (her measurements reportedly are 34-26-39).

Drew Brees as "Hawkeye" Pierce
Known for his near-surgical ability to dissect defenses, Brees -- like Pierce -- is one of the best at what he does. Also, just as Pierce was the spiritual leader of the war-torn 4077th, Brees has become the spiritual leader of the city of New Orleans. Brees isn't a Hawkeye, though, as he hails from another Big Ten school, Purdue. But there is a connection there, as Pierce was known to boast his own boilermaker contraption in his tent to make homemade booze.

Sean Payton as Henry Blake
As evidenced by his college sweater, Blake was an Illinois alum. Payton hails from Naperville, Ill., and has University of Illinois ties as well -- he was an assistant QB coach there in 1996. Also, both like to gamble -- Blake was often seen playing poker, and Payton's gambling nature was on display Sunday with his fourth-and-goal and onside-kick calls.

Jeremy Shockey as "Trapper" John
After three seasons, the actor who portrayed Trapper, Wayne Rogers, was growing tired of the fact his character was being treated as a sidekick to Hawkeye. So he aired his grievances and left the show, similar to how Shockey voiced his criticisms of Eli Manning when he was with the Giants and eventually got traded to the Saints. Evidently, Trapper earned his nickname by "trapping" some nurses, and Shockey's behavior didn't dissuade the likes of Tara Reid, Vida Guerra and Joumana Samaha (Jason Kidd's ex-wife).

Mark Brunell as B.J. Hunnicutt
Just as B.J. served as a second-stringer to Hawkeye, Brunell serves as a backup to Brees. Also, both Hunnicutt and Brunell hail from California wine regions (Hunnicutt from Mill Valley, and Brunell from Santa Maria).

Lance Moore as Maxwell Klinger
Both proudly hail from Toledo, Ohio -- Moore was an undrafted free agent out of University of Toledo when the Saints picked him up in 2005. Also, not to accuse Moore of any Klinger-like cross-dressing tendencies, but Moore does sport some rather large, lady-like diamond earrings in his team photo.

Reginald Alfred "Reggie" Bush II as Charles Emerson Winchester III
Winchester was a Harvard-educated surgeon -- Bush was bred at one of the nation's elite football schools, USC. Plus, there's the whole long-names thing.

Hank Baskett as the short-lived guest star appearing on his deathbed
Baskett looked as if a bomb had detonated in his hands after he dropped that onside kick. To add insult to injury, Baskett's bombshell wife, Kendra Wilkinson, ran out of the stadium in tears after the game.

New Orleans' streets post-Super Bowl celebration as the location of "The Swamp"
Home to Hawkeye, Trapper, B.J., Charles and Frank, The Swamp always seemed to be littered with debris -- including various discarded drinking paraphernalia, similar to that of Bourbon Street.

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