A Catholic reads the Bible, week 9: A talking ass saves the day
Week nine of this series sees Laura Bernardini finishing the Book of Numbers
Story highlights
- When last week's column published, Laura Bernardini was worried about the week ahead
- The Book of Numbers ends with a feminist note, Bernardini says
Laura Bernardini is director of coverage in CNN's Washington Bureau. The views expressed in this column belong to Bernardini.
Laura Bernardini
(CNN)This is week nine of an ongoing series: A Catholic Reads the Bible. Read week one, week two and week three.
When last week's column published, I was pretty worried about the week ahead. What's next, more numbing rules from the Book of Numbers? Well, the end of the Israelites' years wandering the desert has to be better than the beginning, I hoped.
And then I read the title of the next section: "The Talking Ass." I immediately regressed to the fourth grade, laughing my, um, butt off.
This has got to be good, I thought. Alas, the ass was just a short-lived reprieve. The story focuses on Balaam and how the donkey he is riding gets blocked three times by an angel.
Balaam, not knowing what's happening, strikes his donkey for disobeying his commands. To Balaam's great surprise, the donkey talks back.
"Dude, why do you keep hitting me?" (In my mind, the donkey talks like a surfer.)
Balaam, stunned, chastises the ass for disobeying him.
"But haven't I always taken you wherever you want to go?" Balaam's ass insists.
Then the Lord opens Balaam's eyes, the Bible says, and an angel tells him: Why do you smite the ass when I'm the one who blocked your way?
I imagine Balaam thinking right about then, "This has got to be the weirdest day of my life."
The end of Balaam's story had me laughing again. He tells his friend, Balak, "Did I not warn you that I must do all the Lord tells me?" It was like, "My donkey talked today. Please, just trust me on this. God is working some serious miracles in my life."
If I was Balaam and my donkey, or, to bring the story more modern, my car, starting making chitchat, I would definitely take heed. It might make traffic jams more fun, at least.
The rest of Numbers tied up some loose ends from previous chapters. God said Moses wasn't going to make it to the Promised Land, and God lives up to his word. Aaron and Moses die on the cusp of their new country. It had to be excruciating. But they had disobeyed God, so he punished him.
Then the refinement of the commandments continues. We must be up to 7,000 with all these additions to codes of conduct. The high holy days of Jewish faith are laid out with very specific guidance for the Day of Atonement and how to celebrate the New Year.
I plowed ahead.
The Books of Numbers ends, surprisingly, with a little bit of feminism.
In Chapter 27, God makes it clear that if there are no male heirs, women can inherit their father's fortunes. As the debate on women's roles in the Catholic Church is in the news with Pope Francis, Number's inheritance law was probably an outstanding turn of circumstances in that time. It was reassuring. Of course, that's not a regularly quoted passage. And I think people probably forget it.
Without the mind-numbingness of many parts of Numbers, my reading habits improved. But, I feel like it's time move onto the next chapter. It's Deuteronomy time.
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