Love and marriage, love and marriage; goes together like a horse and carriage. This I tell you brother, you can’t have one without the other. How many people remember these lines from a Frank Sinatra song or perhaps the intro to the quirky but popular TV show, Married with Children?
For as long as there have been men and women populating the earth, the subject of love and marriage is always top of mind. In our day, we know the statistics and the challenges. Almost everyone knows someone who has been in love and eventually got married. And almost everyone knows someone where marriage just did not work out for them and there may have been a divorce.
As people of faith, do we embrace the teachings of Jesus Christ and His Church when it comes to the subject of love and marriage? Do we even know what those teachings are?
To start, we can follow today’s readings beginning with our 1st reading from Genesis. It appears that God worked very hard to find a suitable partner for the first man He created. Not until God created woman did the man agree that this indeed is a suitable partner and we even hear the 1st teachings of marriage: “that is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one flesh.” So, from the very beginning God intended man and woman to live as husband and wife and live as “one flesh”.
But something must be amiss here. In our Gospel reading we find the Pharisee’s asking Jesus about divorce and Jesus replies with a question: “What did Moses command you?” Moses! Didn’t he live some 1,300 years or so before the birth of Jesus? All true! Jesus knew the Pharisee’s were setting a trap so he turned it back on them. And they answer correctly, but Jesus puts their answer in proper context. It was because of the hardness of hearts that Moses allowed divorce. And it is hardness of hearts now that they ask Jesus about divorce. Why did they do it? Simple; they hoped to get Jesus in trouble with someone.
This scene plays out in the territory of Judea. This is where King Herod ruled and had just been involved in a very public, very messy divorce. This would be the same divorce that caused St. John the Baptist to be martyred. If Jesus answers one way, he contradicts the teaching and sacrifice of John; if he answers another he may be turned over to Herod and never make it to Jerusalem and his Passion. Jesus knew all this. He turned this challenge into an opportunity to teach. And he condemned “hardness of hearts”.
Jesus clearly teaches that even the Law of Moses that allowed divorce was putting human needs above God’s will; “what God has joined together, no human must separate”. And in Jesus’ day this law remains true as it does in ours.
Yet divorce is a reality; as I have said earlier we all know the statistics. First we should recognize that many marriages result in long-term wedded bliss. I for one am so thankful to God and my wife Wendy for our now 32 year marriage. But chances are, someone is hearing this homily and divorce has touched your life personally. What are we to do or say if that be the case? Whether a divorce happens because one is a victim of bad choices and behaviors or the agent of bad choices and behaviors, divorce usually results in pain. Pain is real and pain is something Jesus Himself experienced. Jesus never ran from pain and faced pain trusting in God’s will and God’s plan.
For those of us who have never had to deal with divorce, let’s not get too puffed up here. We have indeed faced pain and we too have indeed sinned. All of us therefore can recall then the lesson of the woman caught in adultery that Jesus prevented from being stoned. We have no idea if she was married or a single woman. Remember, we identified adultery in last week’s homily as any sexual relationship outside of marriage. Jesus clearly equated her sin of adultery with any and all of the sins of her accusers. Who tossed the first stone? And neither should we. But how does that Gospel story end? Jesus told her to go and sin no more. Compassion, love and mercy are always fortified by truth.
Jesus is always ready to reach out to those in pain, even the pain of divorce, and offer healing and a path. We must, like Jesus, be ready to do the same. Don’t be so quick to speak viciously of those who experience the hurt of divorce and never pick up that stone. If you have been hurt by bad choices and behaviors in your marriage, seek a path back through the church. Fortunately, here in our parish family we have two Priests and four Deacons, all who can help with marital issues with both compassion and the truth of Christ’s teaching. Reach out to us so we can help you through the pain.
These readings today come on Respect Life Sunday. As we prepare to recognize our Pro-Life efforts this afternoon, consider marriage as God intended, with no room for “hardness of hearts”, a truly Pro-Life gift from you to God and from God to you.
Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage and you can’t have one without the other are great lines to a great old song. Love and marriage between man and woman with God at the center is truly what we can’t have without the other.
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