When loved ones leave the faith...

 

A heavy cross: Seeing loved ones leave the faith is difficult but can be overcome through prayer and formation

JoAnne Raleigh has prayed for decades for family members to return to the Catholic Church, including her husband who drifted away for 40 years but came back in a big way; a brother who left the Church when he married decades ago but recently returned; and currently for her children, nieces and nephews who have strayed from the faith.

Jerry Hassett has realized that he needs to fix himself before possibly helping his children return to the Catholic faith. He wants to be a better listener, he said, and break some bad habits. “I think I scared them away from the Church,” Hassett said.

“Rose,” a woman who preferred to remain anonymous for the sake of her children, remembers her sadness and even shame when four of her five adult children didn’t receive Holy Communion when the family gathered at Mass on holidays. They couldn’t because they were no longer in communion with the Church. The mother, who treasures her faith, taught a baptism class at her parish,  “and here I am praying that my grandkids would be baptized.”

“Ann,” another person who chose to remain anonymous, said she and her husband grew disheartened, frustrated and sad because years of prayers and efforts to raise their children as Catholics didn’t seem to have an effect on them. “The devil was very effective at stealing our joy from us,” her husband said.

 

All four people share an increasingly common heartache: having a loved one separated from the Catholic faith and from God.

“Everybody knows somebody who’s left the Church,” Raleigh said. “Everybody.”

She formed a St. Monica group at her parish, St. Leo the Great in Omaha, to pray for such souls.

To see a loved one separated from God can be excruciating, said Maura Kellar of St. Columbkille Parish in Papillion, where her husband, Robert, serves as a deacon.

That soul “is so precious, and the salvation of that soul is so important,” Kellar said. A person who is away from the Church doesn’t understand those truths, she said, nor the pain of those praying for their return.

“And that’s where our compassion needs to come in,” she said.

Kellar has made praying for her children and the children of others an apostolate. She and other mothers wear bracelets to remind themselves to pray – and to remember that others are praying with them.

In the United States the statistics on fallen away Catholics are alarming.

Catholics accounted for about a fifth of the total U.S. population in 2014, according to the Pew Research Center, while 13% of U.S. adults were former Catholics. 

For every convert to the Catholic faith, 6.5 people had fallen away, the research said.

Fortunately there are ways to help those who’ve strayed.

ST. MONICA CAN HELP

About six years ago, Raleigh formed the St. Monica prayer group at St. Leo. She modeled the group after one she’d visited at her daughter’s church in Colorado.

The St. Leo group meets at the church on first Tuesdays of the month, from 6:30 to 7 p.m., during eucharistic adoration. They welcome people to join them.

They pray a Rosary and intercessory prayers to St. Monica, as well as prayers for vocations to religious life.

About 10 people are regularly part of the group.

Raleigh can relate to St. Monica, who lived in the fourth century and prayed fervently for the faith of wayward family members, including her son, Augustine of Hippo. He converted, thanks in part to his mother’s prayers, and became a saint and doctor of the Church.

Raleigh prayed for 40 years for her husband’s return to the Catholic faith. Jim Raleigh had been a lifelong Catholic who attended a Catholic grade school and high school. He stopped going to Mass when he was in the Marine Corps and remained away until about 10 years ago.

“I prayed for him for many years because he’s a good person,” JoAnne Raleigh said of her husband. “He just fell away.”

“When he did come back, he jumped in with two feet,” she said. He not only worshiped at Mass each Sunday, but also became active in the Knights of Columbus at St. Leo and helped clean the church.

JoAnne Raleigh credits the prayers of the St. Monica group for her brother Jim’s return to the Catholic Church. He left about 45 years ago when he married a Lutheran woman and joined her denomination.

After some faith struggles and his wife’s death, Jim made his way back to the Catholic faith.

“There was a period in their lives when my brother and sister-in-law were very angry at God,” Raleigh said. “They had prayed for something, and it didn’t come about. There was a lot of anger there, and for him to let that anger go and come back was a very good thing.”

Now Raleigh is interceding for her three children and their children.

NEW PROGRAM, NEW HOPE

A new program in the archdiocese, called Return, has made Hassett rethink his attempts to draw his children back into the Catholic faith.

“It really made me realize I need to focus on fixing myself,” he said of the seven-class program that was held in February and March at his parish, St. Thomas More in Omaha. About 50 people participated.

Return helped make it “increasingly clear that what I had done while my kids were in high school probably wasn’t ever going to bear any fruit. I was still treating them as little kids. I expected them to go to Mass, and there wasn’t a lot of room for discussion.”

The Return classes – based on the book “Return: How to Draw Your Child Back to the Church” by Brandon Vogt – helped participants like Hassett better understand why their loved ones left the Church and how to handle those difficult conversations.

Reflecting back, “Ann” said she wasn’t good at listening to her children as they began abandoning their faith. “I thought that if I would say the right thing, everything would change.”

Return has given her a new outlook – a release – she said. “I know God is in charge, and it’s not on my back. It will be his timing, not mine.”

“My job right now is to love them and wait,” thanking God for his help, Ann said. “God can do amazing things, despite our faults, weaknesses and mistakes. Even when I’ve given up, he’s still working.”

“I can’t make them fall in love with anyone,” she said of her children. “They have to fall in love with Jesus. That is my prayer for them. That’s what I want for them.”

Hasset said Return helped him see a bigger picture.

“I came out of there realizing this program is wonderful to set the tone of how we should be treating everybody,” he said. Preparing people to evangelize their loved ones “prepares us to evangelize to anyone.”

Organizers hope the Return program will spread throughout the archdiocese. Return has been spreading nationally since it was formed in 2016 by Molly Schorr, a parish director of religious education in Minnesota, as well as a speaker and retreat facilitator.

T.J. Simpson, director of evangelization at St. Thomas More and St. Joan of Arc parishes in Omaha, said the program fits in well with the archdiocese’s focus on equipping parishioners as missionaries to be sent into the world, particularly through small group formation.

Simpson encouraged Return participants to stay in contact with the people they met in their small groups at class.

“The way we’ve always done it,” relying on Church institutions to evangelize, “hasn’t been working,” he said. “It’s kind of a sad reality.”

People are starving spiritually, Simpson said.

“People really want to know Jesus,” he said. But it’s a lot harder to help them “if we go at it alone.”

“Pope Benedict said evangelization starts with small groups of convicted believers who then look outwards,” Simpson said. “So that’s what we’re doing here in Omaha.”

Participants shared their concerns about their loved ones with each other.

“I don’t think any of us prepared as parents on how anti-Christian society would become and how much it would affect our children,” said “Rose” during class. “I think we’re in a war. We didn’t even know we were in a war until it was too late.”

“St. Paul says our battle is with principalities and powers,” Simpson told her. “There’s demons at work.”

The Church has always been at war with secular culture, he said. “But we as Catholics are called to be more like Christ,” to live with the same joy Jesus had, and to keep looking for truth, Simpson said.

Kathy and Marty Pflug, of St. Thomas More Parish, helped bring Return to the archdiocese.

Marty Pflug said his hope was that Return would restore joy to participants who may have felt sad or despondent, to increase their faith and love for Christ, “wherever their kids or loved ones are” in their faith.

“I regained my joy and quit living in shame,” Rose said. During prayerful reflection at class, Jesus reminded her: “Trust in me now, as you have in the past.”

Return teaches participants to build trust with their loved ones, who have often learned to mistrust the Church and its teachings, Simpson said. Students are taught to ask their loved ones deep questions, striving to start conversations that could lead them to God.

“It’s going to feel slow,” he said of the conversion process. “There’s no secret to making it happen.”

REMINDER ON A WRIST

Kellar, of St. Columbkille, began wearing a bracelet years ago to remind herself throughout the day to pray for one of her children who was struggling with faith while in college.

She said it prompted her to pray every time she saw it or felt it.

She knew her other child needed prayers, too. “And I put on another bracelet. So I wore two bracelets for a long time.”

Now one bracelet suffices, Kellar said, but she still likes to have a visual reminder to pray.

After meeting Kathy Pflug at a Christians Encounter Christ event, the two exchanged bracelets and prayers. They continue to give bracelets to other mothers and their list of children to pray for grows.

“I’ve given out multiple kinds of bracelets,” Kellar said. She buys them in bulk. They tend to be a chain of pearls or hearts, with a cross or medal of Mary on it.

“It’s a nice little ministry, this bracelet group,” Kellar said. “We pray for each other’s children. … We just pray for all of them.”

The incredible work of the Bishop Perry Center, an outreach ministry of St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans

Bishop Perry Center brings help and hope to downtown neighborhoods in New Orleans













































Annette Williams does math with teaching assistant Toni Rizzuoto at the Bishop Perry Center on Tuesday, July 8.

Julia Kumari Drapkin





By Sheila Stroup, The Times-Picayune
Follow on Twitter
on July 12, 2014 at 2:53 PM












The Bishop Perry Center opened in August 2013 to minister to the spiritual and physical needs of people in Faubourg Marigny and nearby neighborhoods. It offers GED tutoring, a computer literacy class, and lessons in resume writing and job interviewing. You can get free clothing and food here. There is Mass at noon every weekday in the small chapel, and a Primary Care Clinic every Friday afternoon.

And the center is for all people, regardless of their backgrounds or beliefs.

"Everyone is welcome here. There is no entrance test," the Rev. William Maestri says.

Maestri directs the center, and he came up with the idea for it when the three-story building at 1941 Dauphine St. became available at the end of 2012.

"This was a very wonderful setting, close to the Bywater and the French Quarter, and we had an increasing awareness of the homeless, the poor, and those in need in our neighborhood," he says.

It is an extension of St. Louis Cathedral, and its mission fits in closely with the vision of Pope Francis.

"This is the first time the Archdiocese has been directly involved with a community outreach program," Maestri says.

I can't stop smiling as he gives me a tour of the center, knowing it is bringing help and hope to the neighborhood.

The last time I was in this building, I was feeling downhearted because the Bishop Perry Middle School for Boys was closing. After Hurricane Katrina, many of its students and donors were scattered across the country, and there wasn't enough money to keep it going. It was an exemplary free Catholic school for African-American boys in grades 5-8, a place run on a tiny budget by an amazing group of teachers and staff members. It was for the neediest of New Orleans' sons, and they thrived in the warm and loving environment.

Once when I was visiting, I asked a classroom of fifth-graders what they liked best about the school. They told me about their favorite classes, their friends, their afterschool activities. But the answer that stuck with me came from a small boy, who said quietly, "They don't have fighting here. I feel safe."

The school and the new center were both named for Bishop Harold R. Perry, the first modern African-American bishop in the United States. Perry was ordained in 1965 and served at Our Lady of Lourdes in New Orleans.

"Bishop Perry was a man of quiet strength who was gifted with the ability to bring together people with diverse backgrounds for the common good," Maestri says.

I look at Maestri's hibiscus plants in bloom in the front garden, and remember the garden Bishop Perry students planted in the spring of 2006 after they learned the school they loved would close at the end of the summer session. They named their patch of colorful annuals "The Garden of Hope."

Now, the new center is blossoming along with the hibiscus flowers. Sunday, July 6, marked the first concert in the Summer Sunday Musical series, "Around the World Through Music," which celebrates the music heritage of New Orleans. This weekend, Hispanic and African-American music will be featured in the 2 p.m. concert, and the following two Sundays will highlight Celtic and Italian traditions.

Beginning Sunday, July 20, at 10 a.m., professional hairstylists from the Paul Mitchell Studio will cut and style hair for men, women and children of all races and ethnicities.

"It will be an ongoing thing, and it's free. It's goes along with our programs to help people who've been out of work and want to interview for jobs," Rosemary James says.

James and her husband, Joe DeSalvo -- founders of the Faulkner Society and owners of Faulkner House Books -- are among the many "friends of the center."

"Their wisdom, support and energy have been invaluable," Maestri says.

Thanks to them and other friends of the center, there soon will be a lending library on the third floor. It will be dedicated on July 27.

"I wanted to have a library, and George Jeansonne, who was a librarian, secured the financing for the software to run it," Maestri says. "Joe and Rosemary are donating books, and so is a lady in Maryland."

It will have a reading room, computers and free wi-fi. A book club will meet monthly at the library. The library also will have a laminating machine where patrons can get free photo identification cards. That has been a frequent request.

"You need to have a photo ID for everything now, even to buy a bus ticket," James says.

Besides Maestri, the center has only one other staff member -- manager of operations Rae Jean Carroll.

"Without Rae Jean the center could not grow," Maestri says. "It's her commitment and love for the community, and her caring for the people who come here. She's a true gift to the center and to the Archdiocese."

Volunteers have been the backbone of the Bishop Perry Center from the beginning. They've helped with cleaning and organizing, donating equipment and furnishings, and doing whatever else needs doing.

"We've really been very blessed with the generosity of their time and talents," Maestri says. "When people understand there are others in need, they respond with generous hearts."

Sue Ireland, an artist who lives across the street, created an eye-catching gift on the back wall outside the center: a mural illustrating the storied past of the property.

"She was out here for eight months working on it," Maestri says.

In the mid-1800s, Marie Couvent, a free woman of color, willed the land to the Catholic church for a school for black orphans. After the original building was destroyed by a hurricane in 1915, it was rebuilt and turned over to Holy Redeemer Parish. Ernest "Dutch" Morial, New Orleans' first black mayor, attended elementary school there. In 1956, when the old structure was condemned, the three-story building replaced it.

One thing I love about the mural is the way Ireland preserved elements from two previous murals.

One section was done by young women who attended the alternative Catholic school for pregnant teenagers housed in the building between 2006 and 2012. It is a lovely depiction of the students' babies looking up at St. Gerard Majella, the patron of expectant mothers and namesake of the school.

The second was painted by students at Bishop Perry Middle School a few months before Hurricane Katrina. It shows a confident young black man, head raised, books in hand, climbing a stairway above the New Orleans skyline while a white dove leads the way.

In 2005, when I saw that mural behind the middle school and met the students who created it, one of them told me what the young man was doing: "He's walking to success," the artist said.

The first time I stepped inside the doors at 1941 Dauphine St. was in 1993, when I went to meet Sister Bernadette McNamara, principal of Holy Redeemer. She knew that the elementary school she cherished would close soon, and she was near tears.

When I went back to visit her on the last day of school though, she was smiling. Her school was closing, she said, but it would reopen as Bishop Perry Middle School, and her fourth-grade boys would be the first fifth-graders there.

"We have a saying in Ireland that sometimes the Lord writes in crooked lines," she told me. "Sometimes, we don't understand what he's saying. We have to take it on faith, and wait."

This time around, the building has been reborn as a happy, welcoming place for neighbors in need, a place to help people "walk to success." And it was worth the wait.

Cardinal Dolan teaches a valuable lesson: all are welcome!

All Are Welcome!                           Cardinal Dolan

It was a lesson I began to learn when I was seven or eight . . .
My buddy Freddie from across the street and I were playing outside.  Mom called me for supper.
“Can Freddie stay and eat supper with us?”  I asked.
“He’d sure be welcome, if it’s okay with his mom and dad,” she replied.
“Thanks, Mrs. Dolan,” Freddie replied.  “I’m sure it’s okay, because mom and dad are out, and the babysitter was just going to make me a sandwich whenever I came in.”
I was so proud and happy.  Freddie was welcome in our house, at our table.  We both rushed in and sat down.
“Freddie, glad you’re here,” dad remarked, “but . . . looks like you and Tim better go wash your hands before you eat.”
Simple enough . . . common sense . . . you are a most welcome and respected member now of our table, our household, dad was saying, but, there are a few very natural expectations this family has.  Like, wash your hands!…
So it is with the supernatural family we call the Church:  all are welcome!
But, welcome to what?  To a community that will love and respect you, but which has rather clear expectations defining it, revealed by God in the Bible, through His Son, Jesus, instilled in the human heart, and taught by His Church.
The Church is Catholic . . . that means all are welcome;
The Church is one . . . that means we have a Person — Jesus — and His moral teaching that unite us;
The Church is apostolic . . . that means that His teaching was entrusted to His apostles, and carefully handed-on by His Church.  The sacred duty of the Church is to invite people, challenge people, to live the message and teachings of Jesus.
This balance can cause some tensions.  Freddie and I were loved and welcomed at our family table, but the clear expectation was, no dirty hands!
Blessed John Paul II used to say that the best way to love someone was to tell them the truth:  To teach the truth with love.  Jesus did that — He was love and truth in His very person — and so does His Church.
We love and respect everyone . . . but that doesn’t necessarily mean we love and respect their actions.
Who  a person is?  We love and respect him or her . . .
What a person does?  Truth may require that we tell the person we love that such actions are not consonant with what God has revealed.
We can never judge a person . . . but, we can judge a person’s actions.
Jesus did it best.  Remember the woman caught in adultery?  The elders were going to stone her.  At the words of Jesus, they walked away.
“Is there no one left to condemn you?”  the Lord tenderly asked the accused woman.
“No one, Sir,” she whispered.
“Neither do I condemn you,” Jesus concluded.  “Now go, but sin no more.”
Hate the sin; love the sinner . . .
In my senior year of college, I led a delegation to the rector arguing that it was time to drop the “outmoded” expectation that we seminarians be required to major in philosophy.  Those “revolutionary” days — this was 1971 — required, we insisted, that we future priests be specialists in more “relevant” areas such as psychology or sociology.
The rector, a wise man, listened carefully and patiently.  He thanked us and asked for some time to think and consult about our demand.
A week later he called us back and told us that the philosophy requirement would remain.  (I’m now sure glad he did, by the way!)  One of the more fiery students piped-up, “See, you never listen to us!  You do not respect us.”
The rector calmly explained “Just because I do not agree with you, or do not accept your proposal, does not mean that I did not listen, nor that I do not love and respect you.”
Not a bad philosophy lesson, by the way!
So, for example, the Church loves, welcomes, and respects the alcoholic . . . but would not condone his binge;
The Church loves, welcomes, and respects a prominent business leader…but would not condone his or her failure to pay a just wage to a migrant worker;
The Church loves, welcomes, and respects a young couple in love . . . but would challenge their decision to “live together” before marriage;
The Church loves, welcomes, and respects a woman who has had an abortion, and the man who fathered the child and encouraged the abortion . . . but would be united with them in mourning and regretting that deadly choice;
The Church loves, welcomes, and respects a woman or man with a same-sex attraction . . .  while reminding him or her of our clear teaching that, while the condition of homosexuality is no sin at all, still, God’s teaching is clear that sexual acts are reserved for a man and woman united in the lifelong, life-giving, faithful, loving bond of marriage.
The Church loves, welcomes, and respects wealthy people, while prophetically teaching the at-times-uncomfortable virtue of justice and charity towards the poor.
We are part of a Church where, yes, all are welcome, but, no, not a Church of anything goes.
Remember last Sunday’s moving gospel of Jesus, the Good Shepherd?  An effective pastor cherishes, protects, feeds, and leads his flock, while welcoming his sheep into the fold.  But . . . he will not let them wander off and do whatever or go wherever the sheep might want to go.  His duty is to bring them back and rescue them from danger.
This shepherd is still trying to learn how to be like that, to love all without ever compromising the truth.

Of community, crawfish and vocation: Permanent Deacons enjoy a special day in New Orleans

A Community Crawfish Boil

Photo: Crawfish Boil Recipe

There is nothing more Louisiana than a crawfish boil.  These local favorites boiled up just right and supplemented by potatoes, corn on the cob, sausage, onions, garlic, you name it, are a crowd pleaser every year from mid December through late May, maybe early June.  We love a good crawfish boil!

Today the Community of Permanent Deacons of the Archdiocese of Louisiana celebrated our vocation with a traditional Louisiana Crawfish Boil!  What a success this event was, in part because the crawfish and all the fixins were delicious, but more so because the community came together in great numbers.  We had almost 300 Deacons, candidates, aspirants and family members all gathered together at our diaconate center on the westbank of New Orleans.

For my wife and I we were able to reunite with about a dozen members of my ordination class of 2008.  And I particularly enjoy meeting with the candidates and aspirants because I remember those deacons who showed me kindness and support when I was an aspirant and then a candidate.

Getting the whole community together is such a rare event this was an amazing turnout.  Of course many Deacons could not attend because of family events or because they were still attending to liturgcal responsibilities like baptisms and late Masses.  But it was so good to see such an overwhelming response from not just the Deacons, candidates and aspirants but also the wives, children, grandchildren, grandparents and other relatives and friends of so many of the individual deacons.

On this vocation Sunday, when so often the emphasis is on the Priesthood or the religious life for nuns, brothers, etc. (and that is how it should be) we must also remember that the restored Permanent Diaconate is indeed a vocation and the Deacon is ordained clergy.

I hope many of you get to eat crawfish someday if you have never experienced them.  And I hope, more importantly, you get to experience the important ministry of service by a dedicated Permanent Deacon in your church community.

The disconnect at 1st Holy Communion

Today was that special day; our 2nd graders received their 1st Holy Communion. They were wonderful. The girls were adorned in their beautiful dresses and characteristic veils. The boys struggled with wearing that darn tie. They lined up before processing in the Church with hands folded in a praying position. They were ready. Having been wonderfully prepared by their teachers and director, I have no doubt that they fully understood what was about to happen. The children were ready to receive Jesus; body, blood, soul and divinity. They were ready to respond to the parts of the Mass we say aloud and even a few of them were prepared to engage Father during the homily.

So what is the disconnect I refer to in the title of this post? It's the grownups; yep, the grownups. Not all the grownups; not by a long shot. But many in attendance at this special spiritual moment in the life of these children seemed to have little idea where they were or what they were attending. Both before Mass and during Mass, right after Communion, a verbal reminder to be quiet, at prayer, reflecting had to be made to the congregation. Now excitement is normal, but really, to have to make an announcement during the period of silence after Communion. Unlike the regular Masses for Sundays and weekdays, today we had to invite the congregation to stand, sit, kneel. And if not for the enthusiastic children, you could hear hardly a response to the congregations spoken parts of the Mass. All of this, coupled with some of the attire from family and friends, not to mention the amazing amount of gum chewing witnessed today, by adults, gives pause for concern.

Now if you know me well, you know I'm not overly hung up on things that bother others. Today, I was struck by the commitment to have our young children get to a place where they indeed "make" their 1st Holy Communion, while seeing evidence that going to Church, particulary Mass, frequently with these same kids may be problematic. I do not want to be overly judgemental here. However, it is evident that we, who are responsible for the faith formation of the people maybe need to do a better job. But I'm also hoping that many of you who may read this will recommit to do your part, our part, in staying true to our faith and teaching our children not just in word, but by example.

If we, the adults, take the time to know the faith, practice the faith regularly and support the local parish where we are comfortable sending our children for CCD, we will all be the better for such efforts. And perhaps, just perhaps, our children will remain Catholic as they grow older and venture off to high school and college.

We, as parents, must bear witness to being the foremost instructors of our own children in the Catholic faith. They should learn from our teachings, and our own example about Jesus, the Church, the sacraments and loving our neighbor as ourselves.

My prayer today is that I will see those 26 children and their families at Mass, week in and week out, and as active members of our parish family.

When it comes to Holy Communion, we truly must become what we believe!

It's all about community

One of the great things about being a deacon is the bonds established with all the deacons in the Archdiocese. This is especially true among classmates. Not since our ordination on December 13, 2008 have we all been together, until last night that is. Spearheaded by Deacon Wayne Lobell, almost our entire class attended a Lenten fish fry and shared stories of our first few months of ordained life. We were able to compare notes on homilies, baptisms, weddings, ministries, parish life, etc. Of course it's just nice to catch up on families, comings and goings and seeing everyone happy & healthy.

Our classs totals 23 deacons from New Orleans, 1 deacon from Houma-Thibodaux (that is way down the bayou) and 1 acolyte who is a big part of our family. Unfortunately, 3 classmates could not attend as deacon duties called. As a class, we hope to have a gathering soon with 100% participation; but that's all I'm going to say about that.

Again, for those of you reading this, please remember that deacons, and their families, come from the laity; they come from your parish, the pews, your communities. Always, always encourage your deacons and those you may know of that have a vocational call to the diaconate.

In solidarity, the deacons of the Class of 2008 in New Orleans & Houma-Thibodaux are COMMUNITY.