All the dad's in my life

Father's Day!  I do love the day, but honestly, not always.  Yet as I've grown older there is both peace about the reality of my father and an appreciation for all the Father's in my life!




I was born a child of my father.  Unfortunately, I have scant few memories of good times with my own dad.  He battled many demons; illnesses, addictions, which also resulted in unemployment, and an inability to demonstrate love, both for my mom and for us kids.  Now don't get me wrong, I truly believe he loved us all but we just did not know it.  Even worse, sometimes my father just made it downright impossible to do much of anything other than fear him.  Yet, later in life, he did manage to arrange visits that were more pleasant after mom and dad separated.  Declining health moved him many miles away from us and it would be two years before a visit could be arranged for just me and my older sister.  Our uncle, dad's brother, made sure we had a Christmas time visit in 1970 and it was surreal.  Back then, just about all they could do with folks suffering from multiple maladies was stick you in a nursing home, even though dad was maybe 54.  Due to the normal family squabbling there would be no visit for Christmas 1971, which was a shame because by July 1972, he was dead.  Unfulfilled dreams and expectations, hopes and desires for a normal relationship with dad, like most of the other kids I went to school with had, all died with my dad on that July day 1972.  I was all of 15 and I just did not understand, despite the pain and disappointment, why did my dad have to die while I was but a teenager.  After his death, as I graduated high school, fell and love and married and became a dad myself, I came to forgive my dad.  Yet, it just seems like such a waste, such a shame.




But despite the absence of a dad, I am most thankful for all the "dad's" that were placed in my life.


My mothers, sister, my Aunt and God-mother married shortly before the breakup of my parents.  We moved in to a big home on the Westbank of New Orleans with my grandma and it seems my aunt and her husband, our new uncle were moving in too.  Later in life I would discover that my aunt and uncle planned to forego children and take an active role in raising me and my two sisters.  Uncle Tiny, as he was known, could be tough but he did a lot for us and me specifically.  While my mom and all her family stayed far away from my dad's funeral, Uncle Tiny came to check up on me and my sister and to pay respects to the dead.  That impressed me.  Uncle Tiny also brought me to football games and tours of the Superdome before it opened and brought us to Mass every Sunday and to vacation on the Mississippi Gulf Coast every summer.  Deep down he was a good man and did many good things.  He died when I was 28 but he got to witness both my marriage and my becoming a dad. 


Uncle Jimmy was my dad's brother and he made sure that I made every Saints game for an entire year at old Tulane Stadium, including the game where Tom Dempsey kicked a 63-yard field goal, a dramatic game winning kick that was a NFL record.  I often was over at his house to watch football with him and to have a  male influence in my life.  Then there was Uncle Durel, the patriarch of my dad's family, the relative from Manhatten, as in New York City.  I would discover that he was the one who helped take care of my mom so me and my sisters would not live in poverty.  Uncle Durel even stepped up and made sure my tuition was paid so I could attend an all boys private Catholic high school.  He was also ready with great advice as I got older and even when he disagreed with my decision to marry at 20 years of age, in the end, he treated me like a man and a son and respected my decision.




There were still other dad's in my life!  Even though Uncle Walt lived in Florida and I saw him very infrequently, I remember a long visit he made to New Orleans at an awkward and difficult time in a teen boy's life.  He did the "talk" with me and demonstrated great kindness to me when it was needed.  How about a Catholic Priest who lived next door!  Yes, Father Hannigan was a friend and a mentor and a real father figure.  He loved baseball and would watch games with me.  He helped develop my spirituality and had me serving as a lector at age 14.  He guided my wife through her conversion journey to Catholicism and married us and baptized our first born!




Then there is my father-in-law, Wendy's dad.  He tried valiantly to make me love what Wendy and the family loved, especially horses.  He tried hard.  He even tried to teach me how to work on cars and drive a nail and use all sorts of tools.  It was often ugly, but he sure gave it the old country try time and time again.  He was so proud that Wendy and I got married and started our life together but more proud than ever to be the grandfather to my two children, James and Elizabeth.  He too died much too young, at age 59, suddenly and without any opportunity to say goodbye.


Finally there is my son, though not a father figure to me, an amazing father to my #1 grandson Calvin.  I saw a whole new transformation of my son James when his little boy was born.  He is indeed a great dad and it gives me incredible joy every time I see my son in his role as father.  I can't wait to see how awesome a father he will be at each and every stage of Calvin's life!!!




These are the men in my life who at one time or another, at one stage of life or another, stepped up for me and happily tried to be a father figure to me!  And they all succeeded, in more ways than I ever got to tell them.


Happy Father's Day Uncle Tiny, Uncle Jimmy, Uncle Durel, Uncle Walt, Father Hannigan, , Popsy(my father-in-law),my son James and yes, Happy Father's Day Dad!




To all the dad's in my life!  I love you all!