How I spent my 4th of July; a far cry from normal

Nothing is normal these days and this 4th of July would follow form.  Wendy's mom is still in ICU, day 9 and either hospitalized or in a rehab unit for day 33.  Painful indeed.  So today, as Wendy attends to her again, I asked my dear friends, Aimee & Keith, whom I have written about time and time again, traveled with me to my mother-in-laws place which has been locked up tight since the fall almost 5 weeks ago.

Those two, along with yours truly, cleaned out the refrigerator, cleaned up the kitchen, stripped the bed, hauled off trash and then vacuumed and mopped the place from front to back and everywhere in between.  We collected the mail and just made sure everything was cleaned up.  These two friends are always bailing me out, coming to our aid and it all began when they innocently asked me one day way back when I was in formation to become the deacon that I am, can we come hang out at your place and help you with a few things on the property.  These two recognized then the time commitment it took me to study, attend classes and event and more and soon began cutting my grass, taking care of my dogs, and back then my horses, planting and tending our garden, and helps in so many ways I cannot even remember today, probably now some 12-13 years later.  They helped us with previous illnesses of Wendy's mom, were with me in NC during my appendix emergency and are now helping us through this now 33 day ordeal.

One might understand why I might be tasked with today's work, little would understand why Aimee & Keith would give up a holiday to help me, and Wendy, with such a task.

Some people read the Bible, some preach the Bible, some live the Bible in their charity, generosity and kindness!

Happy 4th July, especially to my dear friends Aimee & Keith and please continue to pray for Wendy's mom, who has a long way to go and for Wendy, exhausted and frustrated and still hopeful as our long ordeal continues.

Humbly, can I implore us to knock it off? It must be said!

It's time to knock it off.  And what I am about to ask you to consider, I'm sure I am guilty of in some way, shape or form.  We have turned into a very nasty nation, cowardly and nasty.  Many hide behind the written word on places like Facebook, Twitter, personal blogs and other forms of social media to just be downright nasty.  As I say often, it's easy for us to spread a lot more heat than it is to spread light.  Specifically, we populate social media with our partisan take on things, believe it all to be true because it fits the world according to me, then we destroy those who disagree with us and we post and repost more and more articles and posts that prove me right(?).  And we do all of this behind the false bravado and even more false sense of anonymity of social media; by the way, you just ain't all that anonymous and you ain't that bold.

The level of uncalled for and even unseemly discourse is intense.  Now this is not the only generation with intense and nasty discourse but it just feels incredibly out of control.  Watch a full hour in the evening of Fox News, or MSNBC, or read a politically based blog, or read what your friends list puts on Facebook or, even more sadly, read a tweet from your President, or his staunchest haters, or what drips from the lips of a Maxine Waters, you get the point.  Hell, listen to the conversation at the family dinner table.  How about this, go attend an after mass or church service social event and see if the discussion is on Matthew 25, or the Beatitudes, or the examples of a Mother Teresa or Pope JPII(both incredible Saints by the way).  And yes, we have had some salty Saints too, like St. Jerome, but I hope you get my drift.

With the incredible access of social media, and non-stop news stations and cable and satellite and non-stop talk radio why can't we find the incredibly uplifting, life-affirming stories, examples of generosity and kindness and highlight all of them?  Why not?  Well, they say it won't sell; then shame on us.

Let me come very clean; I know in some times of pressure and stress I can be unpleasant.  I can be and have been hurtful and irresponsible and wild with words.  To me, this is always regrettable.  I know this has happened to me twice in the last 30 days.  I am so thankful for forgiveness from those I hurt and the forgiveness tangibly experienced in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  But what I am talking about tonight is how we take these personal experiences and really run with it under the cover of something that did not even exist 15-20 years ago.  We cling to it and stoke it instead of letting the heat of the fire just go out.  Let it go out for God's sake.

In 2018 YTD, we have had 154 mass shootings as documented by businessinsider.com.  There have been over 7500 deaths in 2018 YTD from gunfire alone.  At the core of each and everyone of these events is hatred in the heart, perhaps, and I want to stress perhaps, from the toxic, over-the-top, fiery human temperature that, as said earlier, seeks not to shed light(offering solutions, forgiveness, kindness and understanding) but pouring gasoline on the heat(meant to hurt, wound, rip apart, destroy, crush).

God made man in His own image to have relationship with us; for us to live in peace, but he also gave us free will and did not stop the evil one from being in the picture.  Man had a choice, they failed and next thing you know, Cain is murdering Abel.  Sadly, evil has manifested itself ever since, yet still with the grace and help of God, we can master it.  We have to choose.  And all too often, we fail to choose wisely.  Jesus, when He came to walk among us, showed us time and time again how to act, to forgive, to love, to worship.  Yes, even Jesus lost his temper once, but we know that His anger was altogether righteous.  At the cross, Jesus demonstrated the depths of His Love, as He stretched out His arms between heaven and earth for the love of us.  Even the thief, known as Dismas, from his own cross, knew and then asked and received Jesus' incredible mercy; His forgiveness and love.  And each of us wants the reward of Dismas, to be with Jesus in Paradise.  Yet we have His plan, His example of how to live and love on this side of Heaven and it just ain't a lot of what is evidenced today.

I am going to quote again that powerful line from the TV show ER, several years old now from a dying dad to a teenage daughter; his last words of wisdom: be generous!  be generous with your time, with your love with your life.  Generosity of words and actions is what we are called to be and do in this time of incendiary discourse and political partisanship and all out fighting.

No one or anything can keep us from the love of God, Scripture tells us.  I pray that includes Facebook, and blogs, and social media, and our politics or a man, powerful by position he/she may be, or our own attitudes, selfishness and words.

Jesus made it simple: love one another.  Love God above all, love your neighbor as yourself, realize who our neighbor really is and flood the world, one life at a time if necessary, with kindness and love as we learn to be generous; yes, with our time, love and life.

I like to think of that song close to the end of Les Miserables: to love another person is to see the face of God!  I want to see the face of God and I pray we all do too!

So tonight can we collectively just knock it off?  In the end, it really ain't that important.

Maybe tonight we can pray with Matthew 25?  Give it a try.

Peace++

Another Friday night update with some additional reflections/thoughts

Wendy's mom is resting comfortably after successful surgery that included inserting a chest tube to get fluid away from the heart.  In fact, doctors told us they removed about 2 lbs. of fluid from the pericardium.  Her blood pressure and heart rate have stabilized and some of the swelling in her body has improved.  Make no mistake, the war is not over, by a long shot, but tonight we won a battle.  After this long struggle, we take any victory.  Lynn has been hospitalized in one way or another since June 2nd and we are surprised at how far things spiraled out of control.  In short, she is a sick yet fighting woman.  I really have appreciated your prayers.

I've learned many lessons over these past 4 weeks.  It's good that we continue to learn even as we grow older.  There are so many wonderful dedicated medical professionals out there; we have been blessed to encounter many.  In fact Lynn's doctors this week have been phenomenal and also very kind.  All of you too are very generous with prayers, offers to help and that is so much appreciated.

Family too deserves mention as so many cousins and aunts and others have been very helpful.  Wendy, and I, for that matter have very little family left.  Her mom is the last remaining parent and Wendy really only has one sister and I have two.  Not too many folks left from our parents generation.  I, like all of you, love my children and we cherish our grandchildren.  Tonight, despite all going on, I snuck a visit in to see my little Brennan.  Of all our sisters there is only 3 children and 2 grandchildren.  By most standards we are a small family.

Families can be complicated huh.  But this week I want to be more focused on family, staying connected, being more engaged, healing hurts, forgiving and being forgiven.  I need to be stronger at the forgiving part and thankful that others have forgiven me.

My life is a busy life and I believe one with much purpose.  As an ordained minister, sealed by the Holy Spirit and forever changed ontologically, I'm called to serve, to minister to charity, to be a gift of sacramental presence, to teach, to listen, to help, to guide, to be generous and to serve some more.  My family members deserve no less.

Life, I believe, if lived right, never quits teaching you lessons.  I hope I will always be a willing student.  And I hope I can be present to more to even my family.  And I so pray that I will always be generous and kind because I know that I have not always been generous and kind.

I've often said that I believe in loving others with a love that helps the other get to heaven.  And I always believed that some times that may require a tough love, a love informed by truth.  But I learned tonight that love, especially among family, should be unconditional.  Yes, we may disagree, or be diametrically opposed on certain things but my love must be unconditional.  Maybe the one I love unconditionally is not always my best pal, maybe I struggle sometimes with the "liking" but the love must be unconditional.

To all reading this, please continue to pray for Wendy's mom and be a person of unconditional love, kindness, forgiveness and generosity!

A story about generosity

Generosity is not something we think about hour by hour, even day to day.  I have personally witnessed or have experienced much about generosity over the past few days.  Let me start by saying despite my best efforts, and fully aware of God's will, I am not always generous.  I could do better.  Generosity is not just about throwing money around, in fact, I view the most generous thing one can do for another is be generous with one's presence and time.  I used to watch the TV show known simply as ER, it was a big hit many years ago.  In one season, near the end of their long run, the character of Dr. Mark Greene, played expertly by the talented Anthony Edwards was to be "killed" off.  The method was a long debilitating disease and as the end drew near, he had this sweet yet powerful scene with his TV character daughter.  There was great healing and compassion as Dr. Greene, deplete of any energy, shared all his kindness, love and wisdom with his young daughter.  Among his last words to her was simply this: "be generous".  That one line, uttered many years ago, has always stayed with me: be generous!

My wife Wendy is incredibly generous especially with her time, even to her own physical detriment.  Not in great health, she has sacrificed much to make sure her mom is properly attended to and cared for especially during this now 9 day hospitalization.  Wendy has struggled some this time, especially with her pain management, but that does not stop her.  Having reached out to one relative who demonstrated for all of us an ongoing lack of generosity, Wendy was gifted with incredible generosity by having others step forward to assist her personally and help care for her mom.  An aunt, 3 first cousins and a second cousin got together and shared a time schedule that allowed Wendy to be at home Saturday and Sunday so she could attend to her own health and complete some of her important responsibilities.  Wendy is a seamstress and she had some "jobs" that needed to be finished this weekend and she needed rest.  She also wanted to fit in a visit with our granddaughter Brennan.

Another opportunity this generous gift of self afforded us was to finally enjoy our 41st anniversary dinner, abruptly cancelled last week as her mom was being transported to the hospital.  Wendy and I had long desired to check out this great restaurant near Madisonville and this was the right opportunity.  Needless to say we were not disappointed.  It was great.  Now yes, I am a Facebook geek too so as soon as we arrived I did that check in thing.  Little did I know that more generosity would befall us.  At the end of our delicious dinner I felt like the staff was dilly-dallying as far as bringing me the bill.  Then, a very nice lady with the restaurant, who had stopped at our table earlier inquiring of our last name, sat down and excitedly told us that a generous person had called the restaurant( I assume having seen my check in) and had gifted us our incredible anniversary meal.  Yes, I am a wimp, I literally had to hide a few tears.  How incredibly generous!  And what timing; this has been a very difficult week for both Wendy and me; more so Wendy.  This great act of generosity, coupled with the generosity of Wendy's family members certainly put a smile on her face and restored some hope in her being!

For me, I was given a great gift by these examples of generosity because I want to be generous as a husband, father, grandfather, a deacon in His Holy Church, a person, a child of God.  I may not be monetarily gifted, but my presence, my self, and my time should be generously shared with both those I love, and those I know and those I don't know; those whose paths may cross.

No one is/was/always will be more generous than Jesus, our Lord & Savior and great example of generosity.  I serve Him and His Holy Church and among that which I am called to be and do, is generous.  I thank God for these incredible reminders gifted to us.  I thank Wendy's cousins Trudy, Susan and Nancy, her aunt Nan and our 2nd cousin Shirley.  And I thank that generous soul who brightened our night and gave us a gift that will be long remembered.  And I thank Wendy for the incredible gift of generosity she pours out to me all these many blessed years.  I wish I was half as generous as you.

In the end, like Dr. Mark Greene, I hope I remember to share with others that God-sent and beautiful advice:  be generous!