How my ministry helped me deal with disappointment and alas, even anger.

Developments this week in my professional career have left me highly disappointed and yes, even angry.  Some who know me best, at a personal level, may even say the Deacon is mad as hell.  A couple of points before I move on from here: yes, even a Permanent Deacon, ordained and called to holiness, can experience all the same emotions and feelings as the next guy.  Fortunately, my faith and the grace of ordination has rallied me through this disappointing time.  And let me state here, these developments are not that which I cannot overcome, especially with the help of prayer, the prayers of other and the grace of God.

In an earlier post I alluded to the difficulty of life by day(due to some unexpected professional challenges) and joy at night(surrounded by those who rejoice in faith, hope and charity).  These varied events of the last few evenings were hard to get up for because I was allowing the professional challenges to keep me down.  You could even say that addressing this again is proof that it is always on my mind.  And I would agree!

But the point that I want to make here with this post is to assure you that in difficult times, God draws close; he gravitates closer.  Please understand that all of us, when impacted by disappointment and even anger, are still called to model Christ.  In my case, as an ordained minister of service, I am still challenged to be the icon of Christ the Servant.

I am aware of my own failures in dealing with this professional challenges.  Anger is an issue, temporarily withdrawing is an issue, not being as prayer-full as I should be, especially now, is an issue, failure to pray specifically for those who are coming against me is an issue, and not falling backwards with total abandonment to God's loving mercy is an issue.

So today I ask myself; why are you not doing for Mike what needs to be done for Mike.  Since this professional dust up why have you avoided a church, why not sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament?  I don't know.  But Thursday night when I met with the parents and children being prepared for 1st Holy Communion, my negative emotions were gone.  When I met with parents getting ready for the Baptism of their first child, my negative emotions were gone.  And here I am today, immersed in diaconate formation classes for our 2012 class and my negative emotions are gone.  These are good moments of ministry.  But I am just as aware that I must also spend time in prayer, petitioning God for his peace and understanding while asking Him to give me a spirit of forgiveness.  I am just as aware that I must make the time to be with God, through Jesus; in front of the taberbacle, at Mass, in my coming in and going out, in all times; while He draws close to me; I  must draw closer to Him!

Whatever these professional challenges are right now, whatever the reason I find myself with this cross to bear, with Him I know He will help me to overcome them all.  With God all things are indeed possible.  With Jesus the victory is His!